Come On, Mel B, Give It Some Thought

I seriously didn't think I would emerge from hiatus writing about "America's Got Talent" again, given ISIS on our doorstep and the heat of the political campaigns.  But for some reason they keep doing things that trip my trigger, and when my trigger gets tripped, especially by one of its judges, I write.

I've had a lot to say about the "AGT" show over the past year (disclaimer -- I was actually on it a few years back as documented here), if for no other reason than it gives us a lot to discuss.  And the fact that it is currently on its hiatus, until next season, means that I should really move on for the moment.

But ....

When AGT is actually running, we see weeks and weeks of the "local" auditions held around the country.  Judges buzz contestants into oblivion or pass them through to the next round, weeks and weeks worth.  Finally, the alleged cream of the crop move through to the final weeks in New York.

During the last weeks, a few dozen acts are gradually winnowed down -- each episode a "new" dozen who made it from the local auditions are seen by the TV audience, who then vote overnight.  The following night, the top five or so are picked -- first the overnight audience's top three, then one more is picked by instant Twitter/Facebook/Whatever voting from those placing 4-6 as going through.  Finally, the judges themselves -- Howard Stern, Heidi Klum, Melanie "Mel B" Brown and Howie Mandel -- vote on one of the remaining two of the 4-6 group.

And there, friends, is my issue.  By the time the show -- and it's live TV, by the way -- gets to the point where the judges decide the last survivor, we are at about 59 minutes and 30 seconds of a 60-minute show.  There is NO time left to stammer; the judges need to decide and go.  But they do not do that well -- at all.

Look through the eyes of the competitors.  By the time the two acts reach the nervous point on stage, they have prepared hard, passed a local audition, passed a regional audition, gone through a round or two in New York, and had to create and perfect new acts for each round in which they compete.  That's a lot of effort.  AGT and its judges owe these acts the respect due to human beings who have worked as hard as they have to get to that point.

But that's not what you get. No, you get the fidgeting four judges in their part of the thirty seconds going "Oh, this is so hard to decide, blah blah blah."  You particularly get this from "Mel B", who appears never to have given this a moment of thought until suddenly 50 million people are watching her, with eight seconds left to make up her mind.  And I really don't think she realizes how bad she (and each other judge) comes off when suddenly they blurt out "I'll vote for the Professional Bowling Ball Eater" without appearing to have thought about it.

So I'll tell you -- You look insincere, thoughtless, and utterly disrespectful of the performers.

And here's why.  The acts last performed the night before; they do not perform on elimination night.  Therefore, nothing the acts did that night changed your opinion of them.  Given that, anyone else who was paid a bazillion dollars to judge talent acts would have taken one or two of the previous 24 hours to rank all twelve acts from 1 to 12.  Write the order on a 3x5" card and put it in front of you.  Voila, no matter what two acts come before you to pick, you already should know which one you like better!

By not doing that, you make it look like, even though the fate of the careers of two acts rests uncomfortably in your hands, you don't really care that much.  You make a blurted decision to vote for one or the other, and you look really bad.  This is the performers' livelihood, people!  What would look good?  An answer like this:
 
"I spent a lot of time today, before the show, considering all the acts that we saw last night.  While I truly respect Act A for its hard work and skills, I believe that Act B performed better, was more entertaining, and would play best as a Vegas act.  I vote for Act B."

Thoughtful, considerate -- and looking like you actually earned your pay as a professional judge of talent.  Now that answer would make me respect you a whole lot more than "B-bu-bu-but there's no time, I'll vote for, uh, uh, you!"  Even the loser would at least think you considered it.

Whatcha think, there, "Mel"?

Copyright 2015 by Robert Sutton
 Like what you read here?  There's a new post from Bob at www.uberthoughtsUSA.com at 10am Eastern time, every weekday, giving new meaning to "prolific essayist."  Sponsorship and interview inquiries cheerfully welcomed at bsutton@alum.mit.edu or on Twitter at @rmosutton.